Mein Blog zum Thema Privatsphäre, Internet und Humor.
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| IMHO - in my humble opinion - Mein Blog zum Thema Privatsphäre, Internet und Humor. |
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++ Replacing world landmarks with souvenirs ++
Eine nette Idee, in den Fotos die Sehenswürdigkeiten mit Souvenirs zu ersetzen. (Quelle: my modern Metropolis ) Labels: Fotos, Humor (EN) posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Freitag, Februar 27, 2009 top++ Joke: two men and a woman ++
On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:* two Italian men and one Italian woman * two French men and one French woman * two German men and one German woman * two Greek men and one Greek woman * two English men and one English woman * two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman * two Japanese men and one Japanese woman * two Chinese men and one Chinese woman * two American men and one American woman * two Irish men and one Irish woman One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred: * One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. * The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois. * The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman. * The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. * The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. * The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming. * The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. * The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor/ convenience store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store. * The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, all the sales she's missing, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining. The American woman, meanwhile, watches the men fart and scratch. * The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied, because at least the English aren't having any fun. (Quelle: http://www.tiggysribticklers.com/tig475.htm) Labels: Humor (EN) posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Freitag, Februar 27, 2009 top++ Joke: Wer mit der Herde geht.... ++
 ... kann nur den Ärschen folgen... Labels: Humor (DE) posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Donnerstag, Februar 26, 2009 top++ Joke: Volkshochschulkurse ++
Die Volkshochschule scheint Kurse speziell für Frauen organisiert haben: Die Kursliste als PDF-Datei Labels: Frauen, Humor (DE) posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Donnerstag, Februar 26, 2009 top++ "Aim towards Enemy" und andere Weisheiten ++
Ein paar Müsterchen aus der Sammlung "Some military axioms that really make sense":"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit" - PM Magazine, the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance. "Aim towards Enemy" - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher "If your position is so well fortified that the enemy can't get in, you can't get out!" "Incoming fire has the right of way." "Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire." "Five second fuses only last three seconds." "The easy way is always mined." (Quelle: the sight ) Military Axioms.pdf Labels: Humor (EN), Militär posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Donnerstag, Februar 26, 2009 top++ Ein Militarist zum Thema ABC-Waffen ++
Eine interessante Website erklärt in wenigen Worten, wie atomare, biologische und chemische Waffen funktionieren und was man dagegen tun kann. Es ist ziemlich vereinfacht, aber ich würde sagen, die Informationen sind korrekt: "From: SFC Red Thomas (Ret) Armor Master Gunner Mesa, AZ Since the media has decided to scare everyone with predictions of chemical, biological, or nuclear warfare on our turf I decided to write a paper and keep things in their proper perspective. I am a retired military weapons, munitions, and training expert. Lesson number one: In the mid 1990s there were a series of nerve gas attacks on crowded Japanese subway stations. Given perfect conditions for an attack less than 10% of the people there were injured (the injured were better in a few hours) and only one percent of the injured died. 60 Minutes once had a fellow telling us that one drop of nerve gas could kill a thousand people, well he didn't tell you the thousand dead people per drop was theoretical. Drill Sergeants exaggerate how terrible this stuff was to keep the recruits awake in class (I know this because I was a Drill Sergeant too). Forget everything you've ever seen on TV, in the movies, or read in a novel about this stuff, it was all a lie (read this sentence again out loud!). These weapons are about terror, if you remain calm, you will probably not die. This is far less scary than the media and their "Experts," make it sound. ..." (Quelle: SFC Red Thomas (Ret), Armor Master Gunner, Mesa, AZ) PDF des Artikels zum Thema ABC-Waffen posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Donnerstag, Februar 26, 2009 top ++ Dream Workout ++
 I realize this is just a cartoon, but isn’t this reflective of the expectations of society? Trying to be something we aren’t, instead of celebrating who we are? It’s fine (and noble) to better ourselves, but why do we set ourselves up for failure? This rhino will never be a unicorn anymore than I will ever be ___________ (insert the name of anyone you believe to be attractive), however, it’s ok to work on being an outstanding rhino. I’m working on it. Join me in my celebration of a better rhinohood. (Quelle: http://donstuff.wordpress.com/tag/cartoon/ ) posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Mittwoch, Februar 25, 2009 top ++ Zeichensprache ++
 Man muss nicht jedem Strassenschild glauben schenken ..... Noch viel mehr hat der Telegraph gesammelt. Labels: Humor (EN), Verkehrsschilder posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Mittwoch, Februar 25, 2009 top++ Imperial Stormtroopers - Menschen wir Du und ich ++
 Auch die Imperial Stormtroopers führen ein ganz normales Leben. Abgesehen von gewissen Äusserlichkeiten sind sie Menschen wie Du und ich. Labels: Filme, Humor (EN) posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Mittwoch, Februar 25, 2009 top++ Digital Modes ++
 Wenn ein Funkamateur eine digitale Aussendung auf der Wasserfalldarstellung entdeckt, dann sieht er in etwa das Bild hier. Es handelt sich hier um BPSK31, das ist eine Form des Phase-Shift-Keying mit etwas mehr als 31 Hz Bandbreite. W1HKJ, ein Amerikaner, hat die Bilder und die Spektrumsanzeigen, sowie den Klang der geläufigsten Betriebsarten gesammelt und übersichtlich dargestellt. Wirklich empfehlenswerte Sammlung von Digimodes. Eine andere Sammlung findet man bei der SWISS-ARTG, der Swiss Amateur Radio Teleprinter Group. Auch diese Digital-Fans haben die geläufigsten Betriebsarten auf ihrer Webseite gesammelt. Labels: Amateurfunk, Digimodes posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Mittwoch, Februar 25, 2009 top++ Wikipedia zum Thema Bartsekunde ++
Heute habe ich aus Versehen das Gegenteil des Lichtjahres entdeckt: die Bartsekunde. Während das Lichtjahr die Distanz angibt, die das Licht innerhalb eines Jahres zurücklegt, gibt die Bartsekunde eine ungleich kürzere Distanz an: nämlich die Distanz, die ein Barthaar eines Physikers innerhalb einer Sekunde wächst. Wer es etwas genauer wissen möchte: Wir sprechen bei einer Bartsekunde von einer Distanz von 50 Angstroems. Labels: Definitionen, Physik, Wissenschaft posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Mittwoch, Februar 25, 2009 top++ AWD: "Möchten Sie für uns Arbeiten und viel Geld verdienen?" ++
Nicht, dass es verwerflich wäre viel Geld zu verdienen - aber ich habe den Eindruck, dass es beim AWD zu Lasten des Freundeskreises und der Familie geht. Es beginnt mit fragwürdigen Rekrutierungsmethoden, denn man wird von einem Call-Center angerufen und die nette Dame aus Zürich-Schwamendingen kommt gleich auf den Punkt: "Sie sind Betriebsökonom HWV? Möchten Sie bei uns arbeiten und viel Geld verdienen?". Auf die Frage, wie meine Direktwahl zum AWD gelangt ist, will die Frau nicht antworten, das könne nur der Chef, Herr J., ebenfalls in Zürich Schwamendingen. Beim ersten Gespräch würde er mich dann informieren. Sie lässt nicht locker und möchte unbedingt, dass ich einen Termin vereinbare. Mein Hinweis, dass sich bei mir beim Firmennamen AWD die Nackenhaare sträuben und ein grosses "Unseriös!" vor meinem gedanklichen Auge aufblinkt, lässt die Dame relativ kalt. Ich erinnere mich noch schwach daran, dass vor 15 Jahren Studenten, Kioskverkäuferinnen und Handlanger in einer Schnellbleiche zu Allfinanzberatern geschult wurden. Nichts gegen diese Berufsgruppen, aber ich lasse mich doch auch nicht am Postschalter über Fonds oder Lebensversicherungen beraten - da vertraue ich doch lieber auf Leute aus der Branche. "Soll ich Sie später einmal anrufen? Oder Ende Jahr?" Ich sage ihr: "Geben Sie mir doch bitte Ihre Nummer, ich rufe Sie zurück". "Das geht nicht, ich habe nur eine tote Nummer, mich kann man nicht anrufen". (--- Pause ---) "Ja, ich weiss wie das jetzt klingt, aber es ist tatsächlich so." Meine Frage nach der Datenherkunft wollte dann auch der Chef (seine e-mail Adresse habe ich aus dem Internet) nicht beantworten, dort hiess es, dass er keinen Zugang habe, sondern, dass nur Frau A. wisse, woher meine Kontaktangaben stammten. Die Unterlagen seien bei ihr. Ich bleibe dran, denn ich vermute, dass AWD auf illegalem Weg zu meinen Kontaktangaben gekommen ist. Eine Vermutung habe ich, auf welchem Weg das geschehen ist, aber so lange AWD mir partout nicht sagen will, wer meine Kontaktdaten dort hinterlegt hat, kann ich nur vermuten, dass es ein Vereins- oder Mitgliederverzeichnis ist, in dem ich erwähnt bin und bei dem ganz vorne und ganz deutlich steht, dass es nicht zu Werbezwecken verwendet werden darf. Da die Rekrutierung von neuem Personal bei AWD ein Teil der Strategie ist, zu mehr Kunden zu kommen, ist es eindeutig eine Marketingmassnahme. Wie ich darauf komme? Googelt mal nach AWD und lest die Erfahrungsberichte, z.B. vom KTipp. Beim AWD ist nicht die Beratung im Vordergrund sondern es geht einzig um den Verkauf. Der Lohn, den man erhält gilt (nach meinen Informationen) als Provisionsvorauszahlung und muss rückerstattet werden, wenn man das Umsatzziel nicht erreicht. Wenn man dann nach 3-4 Monaten beim gesamten Familien- und Freundeskreis in Ungnade gefallen ist, bleibt einem nur noch der Ausweg, seine Grossmutter auch noch zu verkaufen. Doch halt! Es gibt noch eine Möglichkeit: gar nicht erst beim AWD einsteigen. Als Alternative könnte man auch bei Herbalife oder einer anderen Multilevel-Marketing-Organisation einsteigen und die Familie und die Freunde mit Produkten auf die Palme bringen, die sie schon lange und unbedingt benötigt haben. Für weniger skrupellose Mitmenschen empfehle ich die Organisation von Tupperware-Parties, da stimmt wenigstens das Produkt. Ehrlich, diese Schalen halten ein Leben lang und sind erst noch resistent gegen Finanzkrisen. Labels: Bauernfaengerei, Datenschutz, Finanzen posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Dienstag, Februar 10, 2009 top++ The two monks ++
Two monks, one old, one very young, walked along a muddy path in a rain forest, on their way back to a monastery in Japan. They came upon a lovely woman who stood helplessly at the edge of a muddy, fast-flowing stream.Seeing her predicament, the older monk swept her up in his strong arms and carried her across. She smiled at him, her arms around his neck, until he put her gently down on the other side. Thanking him, she bowed, and the monks continued their way in silence. As they neared the monastery gates, the young monk could no longer contain himself. "How could you carry a beautiful woman in your arms? Such a behaviour does not seem proper for a priest." The old monk looked at his companion, replying, "I left her back there. Are you still carrying her?" Labels: Weisheiten posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Dienstag, Februar 10, 2009 top++ Joke: Stress relief ++
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological tests.The funny thing is that it works. 1. Picture yourself near a stream in the mountains. 2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air. 3. No one knows your secret place. 4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called the world. 5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 6. The water is crystal clear. 7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding under the water. See. You're smiling already. (Quelle: www.fun-with-english.co.uk ) Labels: Humor (EN) posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Sonntag, Februar 08, 2009 top++ Joke: why? ++
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why is the man who invests all your money, called a broker? Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food? There is fish flavored! Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? What's another word for thesaurus? What do they use to ship Styrofoam? When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? Why is it that in the US: If you take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing an Uzi, terrified citizens will phone the police and report: "There's a naked person outside!" (Quelle: www.bitoffun.com ) Labels: Humor (EN), Oneliner posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Sonntag, Februar 08, 2009 top++ Joke: Bumper Sticker Collection ++
Born Free. . . . .Taxed to DeathDon't Steal....The Government hates Competition 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain All men are Idiots, and I married their King DRIVE LIKE HELL.. YOU'LL GET THERE! Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film facility Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW I love cats...they taste just like chicken What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? Save Water - Take a bath with your neighbor's daughter Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats Keep honking, I'm reloading Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in public schools Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? I are proud to be a college student For a small town, there sure are a lot of assholes! "If ass holes could fly, this place would be an airport!" Honk to see finger! "Better a blow job, than no job!" My Otha Ride is YO MOMMA! Work hard, the people on welfare depend on you! I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an asshole. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted. Hang up and drive! Welcome to America ..... Now speak English Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends. Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me. Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date. Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people: "Everybody, But Me." If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you. The proctologist called...they found your head. Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings." Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself. (Quelle: http://www.thejokeyard.com/ ) Labels: Humor (EN), Oneliner posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Sonntag, Februar 08, 2009 top++ Joke: Wie wär's mit uns zwei? ++
 (Quelle: Toxel.com ) Labels: Bilder, Humor (DE) posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Sonntag, Februar 08, 2009 top++ Joke: Amusing actions taken by one who's totally over the edge..... ++
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in". 5. Put decaff in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors". 7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." 8. Don't use any punctuation marks. 9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. 11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". 12. Sing along at the opera. 13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. 15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, eg. "Rock Hard Kim." 17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!" 18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!" 19. Tell your children over dinner: "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." (Quelle: http://www.dreamspinnersinc.com/observations12.html) Labels: Humor (EN) posted by Kaspar on www.imho.ch | direkter Link: Sonntag, Februar 01, 2009 top |
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